How You Can Support Someone in Quarantine With an Abuser

(CW: violence, abuse)

As families around the world are quarantining together to stop the spread of Coronavirus, it’s crucial to remember that home is not a safe space for many folks. Measures such as lockdown are challenging for all of us — and for those experiencing violence at home, they can literally be a matter of life or death.

Rates of domestic violence have skyrocketed around the world since the announcement of lockdowns in some locations. India reported double the usual number of domestic abuse cases in the first week of nationwide movement restrictions, according to the country’s National Commission for Women. These numbers are overwhelming and disheartening, but I urge you not to let them drive you to inaction: there are small steps you can take to support the folks you know who face domestic violence in their homes. The following community-based interventions are modeled after tactics that Aangan Trust is employing in hotspots for violence and abuse across India.

Talk about it.

These conversations can be difficult to initiate. But if you suspect that a friend or neighbor may be living in an unsafe environment, they will appreciate that someone is listening out. Signal to them that you’ve noticed signs that someone in their home may be processing anger or frustration in dangerous ways right now. Ask them “do you feel safe?” Let them know you know.

Pick up on language justifying abusive behavior and call out dismissive comments like, “he’s just lost his job so he’s going to be really stressed.” Point out that not everybody who loses their job will be perpetrators of violence, and not everyone who drinks will become abusive.

Establish the actions you will take.

Once they know they have an ally, you can get to work planning. Come up with a code word, and establish what it means. In what situation will your friend text you the word, and whom do they want you to call if they send it?

Establish with them that you will be taking action after an agreed upon amount of time passes. For example you can offer, “if I don’t hear back from you every 24 hours I will treat it like an emergency and reach out to authorities.”